On being ‘In a Relationship’

Disclaimer:

This post does not and will not ever reflect any one boyfriend- either current, previous, or future. It reflects the general points in the world of dating. So, Daryl fans, fear not, ‘cons’ are NOT about him. 

Disclaimer #2: 

This is a fruity, non-serious, non-journalistic, non-political post. Beware: slangs, grammatically-incorrect, and many Jowee-expressions rampant. Stop being a grammar- nazi.   

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One of the best things about being ” in a relationship” is that you can be such a total ‘girl’ about things.

Like today when I read the gut/heart-wrenching story about a mother bear that had her paws cut out, harvested for her bile, and killed her own cub to save it from a life of torture, I cried a mile-long river, and the worst part was- I didn’t hesitate to tell him what I was upset about.

Seriously, the bears. Save them.

I use the words ‘ I scared…’ with liberation, and am not ashamed with the words ‘ I cry…”

I consistently stretch the limits of my ‘girl’ card longer than I’m used to being comfortable with. Whatever semblance of a strong, independent, intelligent person in me dwindles to nothing when boyfriends are around, and I hate myself a little inside.

I tell him and previous hims, all the time NOT to give me presents or gifts, not to pay for my meals, and NOT to do things for me, because I don’t want to feel obligated to do the same for you. Its like what Sheldon Cooper said to Penny when she got him a gift, “You haven’t given me a gift!” he screeched, “You’ve given me an obligation!”.

As bad as it sounds, its not that I don’t want to do similar things to show that “I love you”, its more like when you, and other proverbial you’s, do things for me, I “pressure”. It takes the fun out of everything when I’m pressured, because I can’t live up to those acts. The best thing I’ve done so far as a girlfriend is ‘kiap’-ing food for you. So bro, don’t like that lah bro.

(New favorite line, can’t you tell?) On another note- go visit the comic blog: Bro, don’t like that la, bro…  

Daryl tells me all the time not to fight it, but I still do. I wrestle with this newfound status everyday, but no matter how much I fight it inside, the world of dating is set up in such a way that as a girl, you almost cannot be solitary and independent, or the balance is toppled= ‘imba’.

When you politely refuse a hand, a kind gesture, the boy get upset or hurt a little inside. But guys, you do know that if I refuse, I’m really relieving you of the duty of ‘doing’ things for me right? (You don’t have to ‘do’ things for me. Really. Really.)

As much as I don’t get it, I actually do understand. These acts of love are exactly how boys show love. Why shouldn’t brownies be baked, notes be written, or driving them around be driven? Why shouldn’t we get them flowers, or the 2010/2011 Arsenal Season Review? Its all an expression of how we feel inside, so to reject any of it, is like rejecting their love.

Boys might have this ingrained in them a little more than girls do. Its like what the ‘5 Love Languages‘ says about how we each give and receive ‘love’ differently. I think most guys feel the most loved when it is shown by actions, and because of it, they also express this love by actions- Called ‘acts of service’ (in the book). Hence it is reflected in the whole ‘doing things’ for the girl.

I severely love being by myself. Being an ‘individual’, because that’s when I feel most like ‘me’.

I am a sister, a daughter, a friend, and it all comes easy, perhaps because I’ve done that my whole life. But alas! Being a ‘girlfriend’- that is confusing because suddenly, I am someone’s ‘something. I am tied to another entity and no longer a ‘single’, ‘solitary’ unit. Everything is a ‘double-portioned’ decision with double-portioned consequences.

So now you’re looking at this extremely ‘mah-fan’ girl and going, “wah boy do things for you also you complain.” “Got boyfriend also complain.. You don’t want, give me lah!” Well, I am quite a weird one- my friends attest to that. Also, I am quite under-developed in the whole relationship arena.

My bff says I’m just not mature enough for a relationship, and I agree. As an added problem to the whole thing- I just don’t like relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I love Daryl, I just don’t like the social constraints of relationships. So many rules. So many rules where I don’t fit.

Anyway, Not To Fear Boys! somewhere out there, there will be other, less ‘mah fan’ girls that would love it when you do these things for them, and who would not hesitate to love you in return.

For now, thank goodness for Daryl man. . .

Dude, I salute you. Who knows what you have to deal with…

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