You want to know why I’m so upset?
Writing is like breathing to me, its like my extra limb by which I am mobile and am able to function as a complete human being. I use my limbs everyday, it puts the thoughts from my brain into action. So without the exercising of this limb, being unable to put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, it renders me handicapped. I am without action. I am doing nothing.
I am frustrated all the time, I’m agitated, I’m feeling supreme bouts of low self-esteem that I can’t seem to shake, and all in all, I’m at an all time low.
The horrible thing about being someone who writes, is that you start calling yourself a ‘writer’, and you get used to that. Then comes writer’s block, and you start to question what is a writer that is unable to write?
She is nothing.
The worse thing about being a “writer”, is that everything you write is subject to what people say you are. Your career is entirely built upon the validation of others- your editor, your readers, the agency you work for, nothing can ever truly be for you anymore. Its horrible for someone that’s insecure, but great for building on layers and layers of tough skin. Coupled with the fact that anyone can pick up a pen and just write, it really topples entire foundations.
This is something that I advise people time and time again not to do. Don’t make anything your everything. Not a person, not an identity. You are not an accountant, you are not a doctor, you are not whatever you are going to be. Of course that is what you are, but make sure that is not all you are. If I wanted to write, I have to be more than a writer, more than a communicator. I am a living, breathing, connecting being that seeks out humanity and shares it with the world. Either by paper and pen, or by moving images and sound.
I can’t see life for me being any other way, at least not for now.
So friends, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, if there be any truth that is self-evident, turn yourself free from what you think you are, what others think you are, and just be. If you’re struggling today, the knowledge that you are more than your course, your talents, the people you hang around with is possibly one of the most freeing messages one can take.
Trying very hard to be “on form”.