Growing pains. 1)The difficulties experienced in the early stages of an enterprise.
I had a tough year in terms of my writing. I was reading all the things I wrote in the past year, and I was immediately humbled by all of you who stuck around reading my drivel. Humbled because while I was complaining why no one read my blog anymore, I hit a reality check, and saw that people still read what I wrote despite it being completely self-indulgent. There were so many that I was ashamed to have put my name to, so for all of you who stuck around, who urged me to go on, who encouraged me and dropped your comments, here’s my biggest thank you!
What happened to me this year was that I went through a period of ‘real world’ situations, where I had to learn how to write for an audience, and to continually mold my sentences fifteen times over for it to be publishable. Because of this, every word I wrote turned to self-doubt, was this good enough? was this clear enough? Will my editor change this? Will the readers misconstrue this?
I ended up self-censoring to a fault, and editing till my words were no longer mine, but what I thought others wanted to hear. I thought too hard about what I was writing, that somewhere along the way, I loss all sense of what it was to write for myself anymore, and for a writer to lose this, is one of life’s greatest travesties. I think, in writing, we all have to be a little bit selfish, to write things that are true for us, to write things that we ourselves would want to read.
Don’t get me wrong, I learned the extremely valuable lessons of being concise, to be organized in my structure, to be professional, but I loss a sense of balance. I forgot how to put my voice in the words. Despite writing about honesty, there was no more honesty in my work. It was no longer I who spoke, but me giving people what they wanted. Somewhere along the lines (pun intended) of all the news work I did, I became a little bit more disciplined, but for each piece I did, I hated writing a little bit more, and I hated what I had grown to hate.
It was growing pains, I’ve reached a point in my writing that to get to the next stage in growth, I have to push that much harder- To go from good, to Great.
So this year, I’m rediscovering what I loved about writing again. This year, I’m pushing past my self-doubts and undignified anger, and learning to strike the balance between writing for myself, and writing for others.
This year, I resolve to be that much better.
By one of my favourite writers, Neil Gaiman,
“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.
So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.
Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”
On other changes to my blog this year: I will no longer be linking my pictures through the word “link”. Instead all images will be linked directly on the picture itself.
I still do not steal images. Thank you.