Conversations in text (#4)

Me: “So I’ve been thinking recently… Tht maybe, I don’t wanna career… I mean, I would be very happy living in a hut somewhere on the beach living a simple life n writing stories… Maybe I’ll be like Roald Dahl, writing children’s stories, and some adult short stories”

Me: “And maybe one two columns a month”

Me: “Or a weekly column”

Me: “I can just email my editor from my hut”

Me: “Cos u know even huts these days have internet”

Me: “And just… Simple lah…”

Me: “I don’t want to be in the rat race. I don’t want to report about all these things I’m not interested in. I even hate politics. All these things do is make me angry.”

Me: “I just want change. And change happens to be intertwined with politics.”

Him: “Yaa I know you feel”

Him: “But you wouldn’t know how the rat race is like, until you are actually in it”

Him: “And I actually know someone who is living like that”

Him: “Goes traveling 2 a year, leaves for like 3-4 months each

Him: *twice a year

Him: “And he told me its not all its seems”

Him: “Its not all fun & games”

Him: “But have the feel first of the real world lah. Hang in there. You’re almost there”

Me: “Sighhhh”

Me: “Okayyy”

This is the unwillingness to embrace reality.

The reality is that moving away would mean I would be occupying a wooden or tin housed roof along a fishing village dotting the coast of Terengganu somewhere. The biggest problem with this isn’t the getting up at dawn, faulty cell phone reception, mending nets, checking the currents, tides or wind changes…-all that, is adaptable.

The biggest problem is I don’t think we were meant to be in solitude. We need people as much as we think we don’t. So as much as I want to run away from the “reality” of the business, its become an impossible situation where I realized I can’t. There’s no loophole out of this is there?

“Changing the world” (*cringe) can’t be solely done behind a computer screen and keyboard.

So I hate small talk. I hate “building contacts” and I have no interest in being such and such and such’s such, and meeting such and such and such’s best friend to get my paper published. I hate that my work is being edited to something unrecognizable, or even looking at what my peer did in this video/shoot/photospread/magazine/news-article/editorial really fails to pique my interest. Really, writers are the only people that pay attention to what other writer’s do, all the rest of the world just read the article. I don’t want to be in that writer’s circle, I just want to be in the rest of the world, writing the damn article.

But really, really, the reality is something I have to live in. Hence, the frustration.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.

-Lily Tomlin


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