Happy Valentine’s Day everybody.
Yesterday my friends Jing, Justin and I were talking on Whatsapp.
Jing was telling me about this dream he had.
He started excited, saying that he dreamt Justin and I were a couple, to which I laughed out loud, remembering the whole debacle in 2008 where Hang, Gabby and I were jokingly “fighting” over Justin. It was a time of entertainment, because he had expressed no interest in girls whatsoever. Maybe he even feared them. Maybe he even feared them more after our three-way tussle. Feared for his life, he did.
Jing said, “Okay you two should hook up tomorrow for Valentine’s.”
I said, “HAHAHAHAHAHA! okay Justin, let’s go.”
Justin said, “OMG Jing…”
I said, “WHAT JUSTIN LEE?! I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU IS IT?”
Jing said, “YAHLAH JUSTIN LEE?! SHE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU IS IT?!”
Justin said, “oh no no no … Actually I don’t mind.”
So there it is ladies, Justin Lee said he wanted to be my Valentine. Sorry girls. Then he proceeded to insinuate that he wanted to lick my eyeball, or have me lick his-EYEball that is, because of what he read in Nobokov’s- Lolita, and here we thought books were good for us. Jing thought he said “balls” for a moment and I’m pretty sure you all misread it the first time too.
This was just about funny enough.
Then today I woke up.
There were Happy Valentine’s Day messages, posts, videos, floating/ circulating all across the public space, enough to make me uncomfortable for a good half hour.
I was just about going to be a cynic today, then I decided to stop, pause, and wait. I was waiting for my mood to change, because, rather than type out something angry, bitter, sad, or stacked full of self-pity, I decided that I didn’t want to dwell or muse just because its such a cliche to be a cynic. So in an attempt to turn the mood around, I decided to shift gears and write some sentimental piece like a dreamer’s manifesto, but as soon as I sat down to write, I realized I would hate it later on because I really couldn’t make any guarantees of honesty. If I did write, I was going to fill my life with half-truths or make-belief, and I didn’t want that either. Today, I was feeling neither dreamy, nor cynical. I’m at a fine place where my days are lived, reality, hate, hate, high, down low, then back to reality again, so I resorted to what was real, or real funny.
There is one thing I do want to say though. Today, I realized I have a choice to do something with my life, and that I have a choice to push past my feelings. My life is greater than feelings, and I can write because I am free to choose my moments, and consequently to choose the moments I want to write about.
So I went back to my Facebook wall, and this time Kina Grannis’ “Valentine” appeared on my wall. It was from one of my best friends, and though I knew the song, knew its voice, and knew its sound, I decided to listen to it again. I read what she told me, a simple truth that she loved me, and then, I realized, it was enough.
Today I dwelt in a song.
Today there’s no moral of the story. There’s no sense of a turned-around hopeful day, or yearning-to-be-better moments, or self-actualization. Today is just God and me and love of friends, that remains enough to make me complete.
SO, Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. May today be filled with some good loving, whether its from your lover or not.
I said, “Guys, can I write about this convo on my blog? You guys mind ah?”
Jing: DO IT! DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!
Justin: eee ok. which parts u gonna specify? chat after work
Me: The dream wan la…n what u said about wanting to lick my eyeball
Jing: LOL JOWEE JUST DO IT! happy valentines day by the way guyz… are we all in the lonely hearts gang?
Me: hahaha yes Happy valentine’s day!
Me: No ah, justin n i are not
Me: just tht he busy working only
Me: earning dough
Me: supporting our kids’ education
Justin: bout the eyeball thats a complex story to why i said that…the eye ball lol.. i just remembered why this morn.
Jing: oh so i am the one in the lonely hearts club?!?!
Justin: but nvm la u write
Justin: work 1st
Jing: YOU TWO HOOKED UP AH?!?!
Me: yeah baybee, u go work u sexy beast u…