To capture a feeling (#8)

“I’m really afraid…” she said, standing in the midst of a grand auditorium filled with an equally grander crowd.

“Why?”

“I can’t place it. Its weird. Its… irrational.” She fiddled with her fingers unconsciously.

“I think its because, once you invite someone into your life, there’s no going back. And Its weird cause, most people are more afraid for things ending than when they begin. BEFORE they begin. I’m being all crazy, am I weird?”

” No… I think its just anticipation is often greater than the actual thing itself. Its like jumping off a cliff right? The wait and knowledge of the fall is more excruciating than the actual fall.”

There was a silence as she thought about what he said.

“I’ll be with you forever. Hah. Forever feels so long.”

“Well no technically is ‘for as long as you live’, which according to the average population,  would give you roughly forty years. Its not that bad.”

There was a playful slap on the shoulder and a weak chuckle.

“I feel like throwing up.”

He rustled for a paper bag.

“Okay no seriously. Tell me what you’re so afraid of.”

“That I won’t make it pass forever. That he won’t make it pass forever. That we would fall out of love as quickly as we fell into it. That after a few good years, everything we ever built would come crashing down. Then if we had children, oh god children… I don’t want children.”

“You’re crazy. You wan’t children. I think the more important question is, if he’s the right guy for you.”

“He would be such a wonderful father…”

“Yeah with his tattoos and all…”

” Haha, yes and skinny jeans. But no seriously, he’s the best with children, he loves them as much as they love him.”

“Dude you’re deflecting, is he the right guy for you or not? Or are you too afraid to even admit that to yourself?”

” The bestie knows too much. We… must…. annihilate…”

“Because you know when its the right person, nothing else matters.”

” I know that, but that’s what they always say isn’t it, when the fact is, so much of it matters. Everything matters…”

“No, nothing matters, you know why? Because the right guy is the guy that makes it through. We all change Jo, so even when you change, he changes, and because he’s the right guy, changes only mean you would fall in love with him again and again. For the rest of your life.”

“I’m such a complicated person. How can he stand living with me? I can’t even stand living with my best friends for too long.”

He looked at her in a way only a best friend could, with as much love as there was tough love, ” Jo, he hasn’t even told you anything yet.”

” Ugh… I know.”

” But, he also didn’t have to, we all know.”

“Really? how can you tell?”

“Just see how he looks at you.”

The band started playing and the speakers split eardrums. By the end of the show, she walked up to him with a wry smile. He smiled at her.

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