I was told a story about a sad yellow duck recently.
It was a children’s book, where a sad yellow duck was sad, because he was yellow.
The story went along where his friend the dog was keenly helping the yellow duck, suggesting different colors to paint him in. On one page, the dog said, “I know… I’ll paint you blue!”
The yellow duck thought about it, and said, “NO! no no! blue is the color of the sky… I can’t be blue.”
The page turned, and his friend the dog thought awhile more. “I know I know. I’ll paint you purple.” he offered again.
The yellow duck thought about it, and said “Purple?! but that’s the color of grapes… I can’t be purple…that’s just silly”
This went on for awhile, green, pink, brown… all other colors… until finally, at the end of the book, the sad yellow duck realized that he couldn’t be any other color but yellow because he was a duck, and he was made a duck. He ended with the words that I now breathe, “hmmm… I think I quite like being yellow.”, and finally, as it goes, he wasn’t sad anymore.
Seventeen to eighteen years of growing and being insecure. Years of wonder, mystery and yet wonder. Years of searching, and asking God and the world why I was made the way I am. Years of experimenting, trying out different identities and personalities, and finally like the yellow duck, realizing that I quite like being… yellow.
Que Coldplay song.
Its something quite more than disregarding all the different colors altogether, but more on how trying on each color brought me further and further to the truth of my yellowness. I was irrevocably yellow that was the truth, but I was made better, because I tried being something, and its the trial that was the solidifying point of my yellowness.
And it was my friend the dog that stood by my side, and helped me get there. Friends, situations, mistakes, experiences, bad teachers, good ones, family, family at their worse… they were all-my friend the dog.
But more than that, I’ve realized that I’ve found my voice, and now I’m going to use it, and spend my time perfecting it, and I’ll be continually perfecting it.
Things have become more black and white for me. The rights and wrongs, and how I’m more intolerant to wrongs than I had been back then.
Maybe its growing up, and a growing up in my own way, because not everyone “grows up” the same. For others, situations have taken on more gray, murky, and uncertain stances. Harder decisions. But I’ve been taken the other way…
And because of this, I’ve gotten into more fights recently, arguing something to the death because I believe it to be true.
The good thing is that I’ve become stronger in the things that matter, and on another strain, found the things that matter. The bad thing is, I let pride take over, believing that I’m right.
Be patient with me… as someone that’s constantly being perfected.