On what’s “fair”

I’m starting to finally understand that as much as life is “fair”, what’s “fair” is also incredibly disappointing.

Disappointing because of the reality of what “fairness” actually meant. If we were thinking about it politically, there’s no way someone in power would give even a little of that power, if it meant that it would be “fair” to the rest of the population.

Being fair means having to compromise, and having to compromise means that both sides “gave in” to reach that compromise. And by giving in, it meant both sides had lost something in the process.

In fact I once read an article like that about marriage, the title was “marriage is for losers”. Today, we know that almost half of marriages end in divorce, and maybe the bigger reason why this is, is because marriage doesn’t work under the same realms of what it takes to win in the world. While the world works under the definition that power means “taking” and “winning” to get to the top, while it meant fighting for “rights” to get what we want, marriage is completely different. It doesn’t matter, to love is to give up your “rights”, its to lose arguments, if it means saving your marriage. Its not keeping score. Its many other things that I don’t have the right to talk about because I haven’t earned that right. I’m single and not even at that point in my life to begin talking about it.

But that article did teach me something about my life, socially and politically, the next time we’re fighting for equality, we must remember that we’ve got to be ready to lose to gain.


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