People often mistake my writing about politics as an indicator of my being politically inclined, that I like talking about it, or that I have some sort of vested interest in it.
Well everything about that is false. I’m not ‘inclined’ to anything about politics, it is not an ‘interest’ of mine, and stated point blank, I hate politics.
And its precisely because I hate it, precisely because it draws such strong emotions from me, that I find I can no longer suppress anything. Its become impossible to ignore the nagging discomfort, and what seems like an excess build up of bile whenever I read these incredulous acts committed. Every villainous behavior brings me closer and closer to the edge of the sword, and forces me to put thoughts to paper despite what the opinions of these different groups in my life are. I no longer have the energy or the interest to worry about coming across as “too serious” or “too intense” because our governance is serious, and we should take it seriously.
I’m learning that ‘hate’ or the lack of hope in my future, isn’t a bad thing. In fact, its the fuel that could just produce results that far exceeds the realms of comfort. I’ve learned that despite all I’m feeling, I have the ability to work through the emotions and still manage to be reasoned, functioning and a success.
Perhaps, coming as a great shift in my life as a whole, I find that I’m also unable to compartmentalize my life anymore and neither do I want to. I’m just going to have one drawer from now on where I keep everything and all of me. No more different faces for different people. No more different set of languages for family than for my friends, and no more Christian talk with only Christian people. This is all of me, everything I’m passionate about, and all of nothing.
The moment I began to cut away these many different drawers from my incredibly full chest, it just became so much easier to manage. My personage is just simple, my burdens light, and I’ve stripped off the heavy load. I just have one face now and its a face that I’ve grown to really love.
I’m ending this short talk with a quote someone sent me,
But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about in the great outside world of wanting and achieving. The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.
That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing.
David Foster Wallace, Commencement address at Kenyon College, Gambier, Ohio, May 21, 2005.
I hope you all are well.
p.s. I know I’m getting heavy, but its because of all the junk [food] that we’re getting fed everyday that produced this.