I started the year of 2012 by listing out all the things I wanted to achieve this year. So before starting this post, I went to revisit my past resolutions, just to find out if I have achieved anything, hoping that I would know what to be thankful for? Then I realized, to my horror and amusement, I have achieved NONE of it, except graduating, which wasn’t even a real challenge anyway, since all you have to do is pass subjects. By the way, people seem to have this impression that I get good grades and that somehow equates to me being smart, but I can assure you that that is NOT the case of my life, and it has NOT been the case of my life, not for a long time. People also seem to think that I’m a good person, but I deny that more than anything. I don’t know why that is the case or what I’m giving off to have people think that. I don’t travel around the world to Cambodia or Africa building dams, houses or wells, the only reason I think I give off that impression is because my opinions run louder than my will to action, which, I am working on, since this is a bad thing. What are the point of having opinions if you do nothing about it?
People also seem to think I’m funny. That one is true.
So I wanted to start this post today by counting my blessings and remembering just how much I am thankful for life, and although I’ve achieved none of my goals set out in my new year’s resolutions, I’m still feeling really grateful, which is in itself something to be thankful for.
I’m thankful for a family, that despite all odds of having a (what I think, quite horrible daughter), still is sticking close together. I’m thankful for friends, for that very special someone in my life I keep on talking about, and for all the people that love me. I’m thankful for losing 7 kilos since coming back from Canada. I’m thankful for being afforded an education, where to others, is a mere luxury. I’m thankful for opportunities, of being able to have worked in a place full of opinion leaders and drivers of an industry, for favor from people I never thought would think of me, for people that have helped along the way, when it comes at no personal gain to them to extend of themselves. I’m thankful for the opportunity to serve a community of people in Jinjang, I’m honored and humbled for their acceptance, and so much more blessed for it.
I’m also really thankful for the change in perspective I’ve had over this year-
The first, is that I don’t know why I had been so sad and depressed about growing up. I realized how miserable and scared I had been when I was a child, then how angry and depressed I was as a teenager, today is the first time in my life that I’m truly happy and satisfied where I’m at and who I am. I’m glad that I’m an adult now, being an adult is fun! It is not sad and depressing like the world keeps on making it out to be. I’m glad I can pay my own bills and that I can take care of myself. I’m glad I can give my parents pocket money, and I’m glad that no one can tell me what I can or can’t eat for breakfast, I can eat cake and chocolates for breakfast if I want to! I am an ADULT! Life is a new adventure. We’re young enough to dream, old enough to live out those dreams.
The second, is that, I thought I had lost my will and determination to succeed in life, then I realized that it was because I no longer cared whether or not I succeeded by the world’s terms of success. I’ve shifted what I cared about, to other things, and that by far was the more freeing thing about my year. But now I think I need to turn a little bit more to caring about what I’m doing, because actions speak louder, and no one would listen if you’re not doing something well, or not doing something of significance.
I’m thankful for having fingers, toes, hands, feet, and that I am not a vegetable. I’m thankful for being able to run, to feel the wind in my ear and sand under my feet.
I’m thankful for Chris Djuma, for Joseph Wong, Kharie, Kimm, Huey Li, Daryl and all you wonderful people that always remind me you are reading what I’m writing, and that my words mean something to you. That is the greatest honor, to be liked and read by people like you. Thank you for encouraging me to go on.
To close this year, I’m not done yet, there’s still a month and a half to go, but be sure that I’m planning more new and more wonderful things for the next year.