One of the questions I’ve been wanting to ask you is, if you read Murakami?
I’ve only read Norwegian Wood, and skimmed through some others, but one of the things I like most about his work, is how unabashed and unashamed he is about loneliness. He doesn’t shy away from the unbearable questions of our solitude or the fact that most of his characters are in fact, completely alone, and lonely, and searching. I like how he echoes the thought and introspection inherent in humankind ( or himself) and doesn’t offer any of the answers to the complexities. Its such an existentialist philosophy. I find a great affinity with his characters that try to work their way in this life that makes no sense, and the whole ” the journey” is the meaning idea. Existential to the core.
A lot of people feel sad and nearly suicidal after reading his works, I did for awhile, I hated that book for awhile. It took me a good year and a little more thinking to finally see what I’m supposed to do with it. I believe the fact that everyone feels alone, even the most loved and popular, gives me some courage. Its just the equal ground I need to reach out to everybody, to connect, and to say what I mean. It pushes me to talk to those that I really want to, because life’s too short and beautiful to deny yourself the best of it. I want to talk to everybody. Perhaps that’s not a deep enough take-away, but it works for me.
I used to have a massive crush on this person, but somewhere during the week, we talked. Then the crush disappeared, and the person emerged. It was a comforting experience that sent me on a roll, to throw away all inhibitions and just allow myself the risks of feeling and looking foolish. What if all my predispositions about people are just … that- predispositions. I’m not always right you know? I would never know what this person is thinking or what that person is feeling. So, I should ask. I now begin to deny myself the privilege of snobbery, and to just talk to people. Something my supervisor said that time too when I was contemplating what to say to someone, or if I should even say it at all, ” You never know what people are thinking what… just ask…”
I’m not sure this makes sense to you, but for too long I’ve been in a position of pride mixed with fear, and shyness, and just pure awkwardness. For the people I don’t like I mostly think they are egotistical and arrogant, and I’m convinced I’m right. But I have been wrong before.This is foolish if you really want to live, and I really want to live.