1. Quality time is a privilege
I had mentioned that this year was a “bad” year for me. It was one marked by stress and a full timetable of running from school to school, from doing my research, to teaching in two schools that I hardly had time for anything else. I missed the privilege of quality time with my friends and family and the people that make “life”. I didn’t have time for any of my interests and hobbies or myself anymore, and I was so drained each day.
2. I am bad at many things
Things that used to come so naturally to me, or things I used to think I was good at seemed to be overturned by all these people who were so much better, or all these situations where I failed, and failed to produce good work. I was made aware of all my weaknesses and areas where I fell short. However, I take some sort of comfort in knowing that having to struggle and fail is an essential part of knowing that we are growing. This was a profound experience for me.
3. I am good at many things ( I didn’t know I was good at)
Life is also a paradox, because while it felt like I was losing certain things, like “quality time” and the things I “used to be” good at, I was also beginning to gain and fall in love with many things, like education; like the idea that life isn’t about me; like the idea of offering a contribution to the world, not as if I could “save the world” as I once naively thought I could, but just in doing what I can to try. This is by far one of the more freeing ideas of life.
4. It is okay to not be okay
More importantly, I learned in numerous times and numerous occassions that it is okay to not be okay, and that it is okay to feel completely alone. There is a lot of comfort in knowing you are not the only one, and everyone is almost, just like that. I also learned, you don’t have to “feel inspired” to work. Heck you don’t have to feel at all sometimes. To be inspired is a privilege. To learn is a privilege not afforded to many. To live is a privilege not afforded to many.
5. Finally being able to be grateful
It was only during this last month where I finally stopped complaining and griping (goodness it took me twelve months to be grateful), which made me all the more aware that I need to enjoy each and every moment, stop and just breathe. I was finally able to appreciate my year for what it was- colorful, filled with all the experiences of growing up, and the kind of learning that would not have happened if I had not truly been living. I think sometimes we expect life to bring us greatness, with all the great expectations that comes with hope, that we often bypass all the little, quiet, unremembered days that makes life all the more significant.
Maybe more importantly I learned how I am going to be better next year. I’m so excited! Are you?
p.s.// I also discovered I have something called a Mild Thoracic Scoliosis. I had never known it was there for 23 years of my life. This was definitely something.